Tag Archives: to be famous

TO BE FAMOUS…I NEED TO FIND TRUE LOVE


Kimye has graced the front cover of vogue to display Hollywood love that we have not seen since Scarlett O’Hara and Rhett Butler in GONE WITH THE WIND. “Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a Damn” is a popular quote from Rhett Butler but does it really compare to the Hallmark quotes of Kanye? “I don’t know what’s better, gettn’ laid or gettn’ paid”, thanks Kanye, that Kim K is one lucky bitch.

Speaking of Hallmark moments: “I did not have sexual relations with that woman, Monica Lewinski”, thanks Bill Clinton. One of my favorites: “Twist, you guys wasn’t gettin’ paid to leave the dogs babysittin’ the sheep while you stem the rose”, thanks BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN.

Speaking of BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN…James Franco and Seth Rogan need a tent of their own. These two flamers keep hiding their rainbow behind “spoofs” when they are actually more in love than Kimye.


Americans love public displays of Hollywood love. It influences all aspects of our lives. I always roll the last meatball to my bitch, sorry, date. Rhianna loves herself with selfies and Chris Brown loves to beat her. I need to publically display love just like Kim K did with her sex tape. That is how…TO BE FAMOUS!

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TO BE FAMOUS…I NEED TO BE ON THE MSN HOMEPAGE

Fame, we all want it but how do we become famous? Every day, I wake up a loser. Somebody has to pay. My total YouTube hits 80…and that took 5 years. No likes and only 79 dislikes. Thanks Arabdancer92 for not disliking, smiley face wink. If you really want to know how to become famous, you need to be on the homepage of MSN.com. How do you do that? You need to be a baby squirrel-or a pit bull posing with baby chicks. Guess how many YouTube hits? 20 million in 24 hours. Kim K’s Ass is always a top mover on the MSN homepage…TO BE FAMOUS…I need pets and ass. 
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So here is my worldwide debut of “Pets and Ass”. This music video has all the right ingredients for the discerning public who can never get enough “Pets and Ass”!

TO BE FAMOUS…I NEED TO “SWIM” WITH PAM ANDERSON

Pam Anderson and Rick Salomon went “swimming” in Hawaii and photos of the white trash playing white trash tonsil jockey went viral. Sure Rick’s johnson also went “viral” but look at all the attention he is getting.

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So will Pammy “swim” with you? Hell yeah! Since Baywatch, that’s really all our tattooed, silicone burn-out has done. She has slept with everyone. Pam will not only keep you in the spotlight, but she’ll put you in the clinic as well. Just look at
David Spade, Tommy Lee, Vince Neil, Bret Michaels, Arsenio Hall, Kid Rock, Fred Durst, Stephen Dorff……..it would be easier to tell you who our porno queen hasn’t slept with.

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So if you want to be famous, as I do, swimming will keep you irrelevant, but swimming with Pam Anderson……FAMOUS! Sure you can be a Killer-Whale trainer at SeaWorld and spare yourself the STD’s and Hepatitis C.

Not only will Pam Anderson make you famous, but you will be lucky enough to be the 1/4 who have herpes! You and your new-found fame will now be VIRAL!
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TO BE FAMOUS…I NEED TO OVERCOME ADVERSITY

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Celebrities overcome a multitude of adversities to stay famous. Poor Amanda Bynes went crazy and still manages to tweet random gibberish to stay in the spotlight. Yeah Tom Cruise was raised by aliens but pretending to be a human has made him a great actor.

TIGER WOODS:

Tiger lost everything due to his sex addiction. Now he is back on top of his golf game and every floozy he can hit. Okay so maybe texting is not the best way for Tiger to holla at his ho’s. Not his fault if a plane flies by with his room number.

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JESUS CHRIST:

Jesus is perhaps the most famous and recognized celebrity. He was persecuted, killed and STILL rose to the challenge. Thanks for overcoming adversity and giving us Easter Jesus! To this day, Jesus forgives all and leads by example. Mel Gibson should take a page from the “Jesus playbook”.

TO BE FAMOUS…MY PARENTS NEED TO BE TRAIN-WRECKS

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Just what is a train-wreck? It’s a celebrity who has gone off the deep end. When a celebrity screws up, we can’t stop watching. Sometimes, if you’re really lucky, you can witness “generations” of train-wrecks. Parents will pimp their kids to Hollywood for reality shows, endorsements and financial gains. I wish! Why couldn’t my parents be train-wrecks and pimp me out to Hollywood so I could be famous?

When I was young, I was a cute boy which means I was perfect for Michael Jackson. Mama Lopez should’ve sent me to Michael’s slumber party but instead she did the “right thing” and sent me to school. Now, I work at Sonic and nobody knows me.

So here are the parents and “mommygers” of Hollywood we can’t get enough of.
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Dina Lohan:

No talent, no worries! Learn how to turn a wardrobe malfunction or a DUI into Hollywood GOLD! –Start today at the college of Dina Lohan.

 

Billy Ray Cyrus: 

“I made a mistake with Miley. I let Disney use her and I really didn’t make any money. They ruined her life so I wish I could take that back…..why do you ask? Does Disney want to renegotiate?”

 

Kris Jenner: 

“I’m getting Kim into the auto industry. Her new “K-Kar” will be just like her; no real appeal, upgrades or amenities. Just a HUGE trunk!!”

 

June Thompson, (Honey Boo Boo’s Mama): 

“I reckon Honey Boo Boo and me can get naked and dance on stage like two pole cats but y’all mind if we wear matchn’ tiaras?”

So hopefully you enjoyed this addition of train-wrecks. Remember, there is no shortage of train-wrecks out there so stay tuned and find out what it takes…TO BE FAMOUS!

TO BE FAMOUS…I NEED MY OWN LIQUOR

The smart and famous celebrities are always looking for ways to stay in the spotlight. From P. Diddy to Dan Aykroyd, celebrities are getting into the liquor business. Real Housewife, Bethenny Frankel, is famous for her liquor brand “Skinnygirl”. She invented and sold the “Skinnygirl” brand for millions. Chris Brown turned his talents of abuse towards some grapes, (guess they resembled Rihanna), and got into the wine business.

So here is my attempt to get out from underneath the warming lights and into the spotlight. This video is my first liquor commercial featuring “BEAN-R BEER®-It’s always fun and games until somebody gets pregnant”. The video features Uncle Pancho, Coon-Dawg and Daniel Lopez. Because we all love “BEAN-R BEER®” and we all want TO BE FAMOUS!

TO BE FAMOUS…I NEED TO CHANGE MY LOOK

To stay famous, celebrities need to change their look. MEGAN FOX is not a great American actress known for her dramatic abilities. She only got famous by showing her belly, butt, boobs and all other parts in multiple poses bending over everything in The Transformers.

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I want to be valued. I am more than a pose. I am more than just an image or body parts.” –Megan Fox

Esquire Magazine recently interviewed our sex symbol and apparently, she wants to be taken seriously as an actor. “It all happened so fast being typecast in the sex symbol role. I felt powerless. I was an image. I was a……” I’m sorry. Did you say something Megan bootie-luscious? I was staring at all of your parts. Just like every teenage boy has you as a screensaver. Just like every middle-aged man puts you in his “Wank-Bank” for shower time. Now if you would please, Shut-it and Bend-it!

Megan will be taken seriously as an actor when Pamela Anderson wins an Oscar for Best Actress. Megan’s recent role as, you guessed it, a sex symbol in Judd Apatow’s This Is 40 is confirmation she has joined the ranks of Carmen Electra, Marilyn Monroe and David Hasselhoff. Megan stated in her Esquire interview, “I will embrace my sex symbol status and make it work for me.” Megan has seen more knives than Lance Burton’s assistant. Sex symbol transformation complete! The Megan “FOX-HOLES” Doll is proof that celebrities must change their look to stay awesome.


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Stay tuned for more great transformations as we study celebrities and how….TO BE FAMOUS!