Tag Archives: Stand up comedy

TO BE FAMOUS…I NEED TO BE ON THE MSN HOMEPAGE

Fame, we all want it but how do we become famous? Every day, I wake up a loser. Somebody has to pay. My total YouTube hits 80…and that took 5 years. No likes and only 79 dislikes. Thanks Arabdancer92 for not disliking, smiley face wink. If you really want to know how to become famous, you need to be on the homepage of MSN.com. How do you do that? You need to be a baby squirrel-or a pit bull posing with baby chicks. Guess how many YouTube hits? 20 million in 24 hours. Kim K’s Ass is always a top mover on the MSN homepage…TO BE FAMOUS…I need pets and ass. 
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So here is my worldwide debut of “Pets and Ass”. This music video has all the right ingredients for the discerning public who can never get enough “Pets and Ass”!

TO BE FAMOUS…I NEED TO BE A TRAIN-WRECK

Just what is a train-wreck? It’s a celebrity who has gone off the deep end. When a celebrity screws up, we can’t stop watching.


We love to see the rich and famous get fat or go down in flames. It brings them down to our level. Let’s face it. With the exception of a few family members and maybe a friend or two, we love to see everyone fail. This is especially true for celebrities except, when they fail, it brings them more fame.

So here is my weekly installment of celebrities who have gained weight or “denied” their inner feelings.

Kirstie Alley: 


John Travolta:


So hopefully you enjoyed this week’s addition of train-wrecks. Remember, there is no shortage of train-wrecks out there so stay tuned and find out what it takes…TO BE FAMOUS!

TO BE FAMOUS… I NEED TO START A SCANDAL

I have been in many scandals and still can’t break 800 Twitter followers. To be famous…I need to start a scandal with a celebrity. It’s simple. Apparently I don’t need to audition all day long with no call backs and wait tables all night for years trying to get noticed. All I need is to land a nanny or house keeping gig with a celebrity.

Mildred Patricia Baena who? Add a little Arnold Schwarzenegger, a love child and BAM! The whole world knows Mildred. According to Arnold, “She vacuumed the floors by day, and sucked harder than a Hoover by night”. I will make an excellent baby madre!


Maybe I don’t want to be a nanny or house keeper? I may take the old fashioned route to stardom like Brittany Kerr. Strike out on American Idol, get caught cheating with a married country singer and get a reality show. Brittany was known by a few people until the public scandal in a Los Angeles bar with country singer Jason Aldean. Now she is being sought after by cable networks who want to capitalize on her new found fame by giving her a reality show.


So the next time Tiger Woods is in town, I’m going golfing. I will wear a blue dress for Bill Clinton. I am currently tracking Kobe Bryant’s travel itinerary-hotel love fest equals fame. All are very scandalous and are sure fire ways TO BE FAMOUS!


TO BE FAMOUS… I NEED TO CHANGE MY LOOK

Famous actors are awesome and stay awesome by changing their look. It’s their biggest asset and makes them extremely marketable. Sure you can memorize your lines but at the end of the day, YOU’RE JUST YOU. Here, let me give you some examples of actors who DON’T SUCK:

CARROT-TOP- WOW! Carrot Top is so diverse he can play Liono the Thundercat, Beeker from The Muppets, The Mad Hatter, Raggedy Andy, Wilma from The Flinstones, Jessica Rabbit or any one of the Jokers from Batman.

MICHAEL JACKSON- A true professional even in 2012. Sure, as Jack the Pumpkin King, his look is similar but he continues his celebrity status as a great singer.

KENNY ROGERS- True, we should’ve stopped talking about Kenny Rogers in the 80’s. But he is too good! Now with his always alert eyes and smile; you can’t help but sing “The Gambler”.

I can go on and on but you know what to do. If you want to stop sucking then change your look. Megan Fox was already hot but now……she is a living, breathing inflatable sex doll! Very Marketable and FAMOUS!

MICHAEL JACKSON AND MICKEY ROURKE, BEFORE AND AFTER PLASTIC SURGERY.