Tag Archives: Miley Ray Cyrus

TO BE FAMOUS…I NEED TO BE FLEXIBLE

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I always try and wake-up like Uncle Grandpa with a good attitude and say “good morning”! I realize I am not Mexican enough for Hollywood and always get typecast as a docile Hawaiian boy holding a bag of C & H Sugar.

If the producers of Robocop wanted to cast me as RoboHawaiianBoy; then hell yeah, I’m in. Miley Cyrus would be happy to be RoboSkank! Because you need to be flexible…TO BE FAMOUS!

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TO BE FAMOUS…MY PARENTS NEED TO BE TRAIN-WRECKS

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Just what is a train-wreck? It’s a celebrity who has gone off the deep end. When a celebrity screws up, we can’t stop watching. Sometimes, if you’re really lucky, you can witness “generations” of train-wrecks. Parents will pimp their kids to Hollywood for reality shows, endorsements and financial gains. I wish! Why couldn’t my parents be train-wrecks and pimp me out to Hollywood so I could be famous?

When I was young, I was a cute boy which means I was perfect for Michael Jackson. Mama Lopez should’ve sent me to Michael’s slumber party but instead she did the “right thing” and sent me to school. Now, I work at Sonic and nobody knows me.

So here are the parents and “mommygers” of Hollywood we can’t get enough of.
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Dina Lohan:

No talent, no worries! Learn how to turn a wardrobe malfunction or a DUI into Hollywood GOLD! –Start today at the college of Dina Lohan.

 

Billy Ray Cyrus: 

“I made a mistake with Miley. I let Disney use her and I really didn’t make any money. They ruined her life so I wish I could take that back…..why do you ask? Does Disney want to renegotiate?”

 

Kris Jenner: 

“I’m getting Kim into the auto industry. Her new “K-Kar” will be just like her; no real appeal, upgrades or amenities. Just a HUGE trunk!!”

 

June Thompson, (Honey Boo Boo’s Mama): 

“I reckon Honey Boo Boo and me can get naked and dance on stage like two pole cats but y’all mind if we wear matchn’ tiaras?”

So hopefully you enjoyed this addition of train-wrecks. Remember, there is no shortage of train-wrecks out there so stay tuned and find out what it takes…TO BE FAMOUS!

TO BE FAMOUS…I NEED TO BE A DISNEY DARLING

How can a sweet mouse named Mickey make you famous? By showing you his PIMP hand! Snoop Dogg, (sorry, Snoop Lion), can’t even compete with the famous ho’s in Mickey’s Harem. Sure Lindsay Lohan, Britney Spears and Miley Ray Cyrus were sweet once but they were nobodies. So if you’re like me and are ready to be famous, you need to be a “Disney Darling”.

Lindsay Lohan has snorted and revealed more crack than Charlie Sheen and his prostitutes on a nude beach. You would have more luck pulling the sword from the stone than trying to pull the crack pipe from Lindsay’s mouth.

Miley Ray Cyrus was a role model as Hannah Montana on The Disney Channel or what I like to call, “Mickey’s Little Whore Factory”. Miley continues to be a role model and has since added to her resume. Her credits include pole dancing, lesbianism, bong smoking, and stripping. She has recently impersonated Justin Beiber with a shaven, crazy new hairdo.

Britney Spears is perhaps the most famous Mouseketeer. The Mickey Mouse Club was Disney’s grassroots, wholesome variety show. Screw a degree from an accredited University, Mickey will give you the tools you need to stay in the tabloids for over a decade. Wow Mickey! I hope you can see that I have “IT” and can be the bestest “Disney Darling” to ever give you a lap-dance and become FAMOUS!!