Tag Archives: michael phelps


I am tired of being a loser. I have tried to become famous and I have failed. Many years of research have gone into the study of what skills and talents are needed to be a STAR.  I have taken a close look at the famous people of today and have compiled a powerful list of these skills for those who no longer want to suck.

Here are just a few of the skills and talents that will answer my question, “Why are you so AWESOME and I SUCK.”

  1. GET A PROSTITUTE– This I have done but I need to be more open about it. In a Mercedes on Sunset Strip should jump start my career.
  2. MAKE A SEX TAPE- This has made Kim Kardashian way more famous than her sisters and I come from a large family of seven kids.
  3. DRESS SLUTTY- No Talent + Slutty Wardrobe= Famous Miley Cyrus.
  4. GET CAUGHT SMOKING A BONG- Olympic Gold Medals: NOT FAMOUS. Camera + Bong= FAMOUS!
  5. BECOME A MOUSEKETEER- Disney’s Whore Factory has created such stars as Justin Timberlake, Brittany Spears and Ryan Gosling.
  6. I NEED A MUG SHOT- Nobody gives a shit about your family photos BUT a mug shot…………
  7. I NEED TO DATE JETER OR A-ROD- I think love bumps are worth the fame. Or if I could just get Kobe to corn-hole my hiney-hole!
  8. I NEED TO GO TO REHAB- As long as you call me a “STAR”; I don’t care how I got the title. Reality and Rehab are great adjectives to describe my, “Star Status”.