TO BE FAMOUS…I NEED TO BE ON THE MSN HOMEPAGE

Fame, we all want it but how do we become famous? Every day, I wake up a loser. Somebody has to pay. My total YouTube hits 80…and that took 5 years. No likes and only 79 dislikes. Thanks Arabdancer92 for not disliking, smiley face wink. If you really want to know how to become famous, you need to be on the homepage of MSN.com. How do you do that? You need to be a baby squirrel-or a pit bull posing with baby chicks. Guess how many YouTube hits? 20 million in 24 hours. Kim K’s Ass is always a top mover on the MSN homepage…TO BE FAMOUS…I need pets and ass. 

So here is my worldwide debut of “Pets and Ass”. This music video has all the right ingredients for the discerning public who can never get enough “Pets and Ass”!

CELEBRITY JOKE OF THE DAY

“Bruce Walters”

TO BE FAMOUS…MY PARENTS NEED TO BE TRAIN-WRECKS

Just what is a train-wreck? It’s a celebrity who has gone off the deep end. When a celebrity screws up, we can’t stop watching. Sometimes, if you’re really lucky, you can witness “generations” of train-wrecks. Parents will pimp their kids to Hollywood for reality shows, endorsements and financial gains. I wish! Why couldn’t my parents be train-wrecks and pimp me out to Hollywood so I could be famous?

When I was young, I was a cute boy which means I was perfect for Michael Jackson. Mama Lopez should’ve sent me to Michael’s slumber party but instead she did the “right thing” and sent me to school. Now, I work at Sonic and nobody knows me.

So here are the parents and “mommygers” of Hollywood we can’t get enough of.

Dina Lohan:

No talent, no worries! Learn how to turn a wardrobe malfunction or a DUI into Hollywood GOLD! –Start today at the college of Dina Lohan.

 

Billy Ray Cyrus: 

“I made a mistake with Miley. I let Disney use her and I really didn’t make any money. They ruined her life so I wish I could take that back…..why do you ask? Does Disney want to renegotiate?”

 

Kris Jenner: 

“I’m getting Kim into the auto industry. Her new “K-Kar” will be just like her; no real appeal, upgrades or amenities. Just a HUGE trunk!!”

 

June Thompson, (Honey Boo Boo’s Mama): 

“I reckon Honey Boo Boo and me can get naked and dance on stage like two pole cats but y’all mind if we wear matchn’ tiaras?”

So hopefully you enjoyed this addition of train-wrecks. Remember, there is no shortage of train-wrecks out there so stay tuned and find out what it takes…TO BE FAMOUS!

ENCHANTED KARDASHIAN MOMEMTS

Kim is an inspiration to all Fame Whores.

Just make a sex tape and the world is yours.

No talent, No worries! You don’t need acting class.

Fame is popping out a titty or showing yo fat ass.

Wardrobe malfunctions, reality shows and annoying chatter.

Kimye is now pregnant and showing but the ass is STILL fatter.

Damn Hollywood and America for thinking you’re beauties.

Greasing every club door to squeeze in your big booties.

I hear you are moving to London, I hope all goes well.

Since you’ve banged the whole NBA and all the NFL.

Does London have ballers, rappers and the like.

Wait! A sex tape with Prince Harry Keeps you in the spotlight.

TO BE FAMOUS…..I NEED TO BE IN THE RIGHT PLACE AT THE RIGHT TIME

Instead of focusing on my acting and networking, I need to engage in public displays of foolish behavior….TO BE FAMOUS. When In-N-Out Burger asks, “are you going to be eating in your car?” I will answer “Of course not. I will be eating on the floor with a bottle of Jack while my daughter uploads the video to You Tube.”

Why have sex for free? I can earn money while having sex with a celebrity! This kills two birds with one stone and I gain fame.

I love football so streaking at an NFL Game will launch my career faster than winning America’s Got Talent. Plus, it will work off the beer and nachos that are mandatory at any sporting event.

EVERYONE loves Kim and Kanye. Now they can love me too, as I strategically place my face in their paparazzi shot. Otherwise, the only way I can afford headshots is to smile real big as I run a red light.

TO BE FAMOUS…I NEED TO DATE AN ATHLETE

Screw going to Julliard for acting classes. Kim Kardashian dated three athletes in 2 years. She even married Chris Humphreys, and now she is FAMOUS! Unless you marry a prince, go to rehab or make a sex tape, sacking yourself a quarterback is the best shortcut to FAME!

I’m not suggesting tackling every NFL and NBA player like Kim. But, if a couple of photos leaked out with my stupid face riding shotgun in Danica Patrick’s Formula One Car– BLAM…….I’m FAMOUS!

A last word of advice/caution; much like Voldemort in Harry Potter, you do not even whisper….Roethlisberger. One too many shots of tequila and you will feel the cold, prickly beard of the RoethlesRAPER!