Tag Archives: kate middleton

TO BE FAMOUS…I NEED TO BE A DISNEY PRINCESS


Disney has fooled every 11-year-old girl into thinking they can be a princess. Get real Disney. Stop lying to our youth. Be honest; there are only a couple of princess positions available and that commoner, Kate “the streaker” Middleton, has taken one. If our kids keep reaching for the stars, they are just going to stab their little fingers on all those sharp points.

However…..

I too fell for the Disney promise. I tried for every role in every Disney film and was always beat out by the next Zac Efron, Selena Gomez or Lindsay Lohan. I finally landed a supporting role with Nicholas Cage. Okay, I sold him a churro.

The only jobs Disney hired me for were to sell churros and work in a cube for eight hours a day with no direct sunlight. Every day, as my spine collapsed and I basked under the florescent lights, was another day I would never be a princess. How in the HELL would I ever get a personal day off to go to the ball? The only happily ever after I ever got were my two 15-minute breaks. So screw you Disney! I know you’re always listening to me. So here is a video that hopefully will get me a princess role which will help me….TO BE FAMOUS!

Advertisements

TO BE FAMOUS…I NEED TO MARRY A PRINCE



Okay yes, marrying Prince William elevated a shy, C average student like Kate Middleton, to historically famous. Big deal if we saw nude photos of her. (Areolas=Extra fame). Just ask Prince Harry. All he was doing in Vegas was getting his royal jewels appraised. He should’ve taken them to Hard Core Pawn.

So yes, I would marry a prince in order to become famous. I’m not talking about “The Artist Formally Known As Prince”, or John Travolta (he’s a queen). I have been known to get Freaky-Freaky but not that Freaky.

I think Prince Harry is a great choice since he’s available and loves to party. Strip pool is my favorite game. Those skanky posers he was playing with hate strip pool compared to how much I love it. Harry will, of course, have to ask Jose Lopez (my dad) for my hand in marriage.

My new name would definitely make me instantly MEGA FAMOUS! Since I am American I could not be called his royal highness. I would be called Lord Lopez or Earl Lopez. But because I am Mexican-American, my full name would be Lord Jaime, Gonzales, Morales, Garza, Julio, Lopez. Or, much like here in the US, immigration would probably just deport me. They’d call Sherriff Joe Arpaio of Nottingham.