Tag Archives: john travolta

TO BE FAMOUS…I NEED TO COME OUT OF THE CLOSET

After 12 years in the NBA, Jason Collins was never an All-Star. But just two short weeks after Jason admitted he liked “Brown-Stars” he was given his first award for courage by the gay-straight alliance group. More importantly, he came out of the closet and now he is famous.

Michael Jackson has been dead for nearly four years and every time somebody claims to have escaped Mike’s closet, they get famous. Damn my parents for not sending me to Michael’s closet. Or….maybe they did? Maybe it’s time I got famous and came out of the closet.

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ENCHANTED CELEBRITY MOMENTS

Time machines can fix mistakes. Marty McFly, please don’t let Kris Jenner and Robert Kardashian kiss at the high school dance.

Mel Gibson says, “We must be tolerant of all religions… just not the Jews.”

Lindsay Lohan keeps the tabloids on their toes, like a midget at a urinal.

Roses are red, violets are blue, Miley Cyrus is a schizophrenic, and so is Hannah Montana.

Hey Kim Jong Un: fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life. Just look at Tom Arnold.

The last time John Travolta was in a woman was when he visited the Statue of Liberty.

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Andy Dick proves you are what you eat.

Now that Roger Ebert is gone, here is some movie advice: If “The Rock” is in it, thumbs down.

If you are not happy with yourself, be brave and change yourself like Chaz Bono.

Don’t worry Amanda Bynes, You will find love. When woman go wrong, men go right after them.

Britney Spears, in order to meet someone as special as you, I hang out at the bowling alley.

Low Lying fruit and Lindsay Lohan have a lot in common: Cheap, easy to get, and bruised.


TO BE FAMOUS…I NEED TO BE A TRAIN-WRECK

Just what is a train-wreck? It’s a celebrity who has gone off the deep end. When a celebrity screws up, we can’t stop watching.


We love to see the rich and famous get fat or go down in flames. It brings them down to our level. Let’s face it. With the exception of a few family members and maybe a friend or two, we love to see everyone fail. This is especially true for celebrities except, when they fail, it brings them more fame.

So here is my weekly installment of celebrities who have gained weight or “denied” their inner feelings.

Kirstie Alley: 


John Travolta:


So hopefully you enjoyed this week’s addition of train-wrecks. Remember, there is no shortage of train-wrecks out there so stay tuned and find out what it takes…TO BE FAMOUS!

TO BE FAMOUS…I NEED TO MARRY A PRINCE



Okay yes, marrying Prince William elevated a shy, C average student like Kate Middleton, to historically famous. Big deal if we saw nude photos of her. (Areolas=Extra fame). Just ask Prince Harry. All he was doing in Vegas was getting his royal jewels appraised. He should’ve taken them to Hard Core Pawn.

So yes, I would marry a prince in order to become famous. I’m not talking about “The Artist Formally Known As Prince”, or John Travolta (he’s a queen). I have been known to get Freaky-Freaky but not that Freaky.

I think Prince Harry is a great choice since he’s available and loves to party. Strip pool is my favorite game. Those skanky posers he was playing with hate strip pool compared to how much I love it. Harry will, of course, have to ask Jose Lopez (my dad) for my hand in marriage.

My new name would definitely make me instantly MEGA FAMOUS! Since I am American I could not be called his royal highness. I would be called Lord Lopez or Earl Lopez. But because I am Mexican-American, my full name would be Lord Jaime, Gonzales, Morales, Garza, Julio, Lopez. Or, much like here in the US, immigration would probably just deport me. They’d call Sherriff Joe Arpaio of Nottingham.