Tag Archives: humorous

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CELEBRITY JOKE OF THE DAY

Tom Cheating

TO BE FAMOUS…I NEED TO ROOFIE EVERYONE

 Bill Cosby Roofie Games

Do you think the new Miss Universe, Paulina Vega, wants a Jell-O pudding pop? Boooooorrrring! But she definitely wants to attend Bill Cosby’s new foundation, “Doped Drinks For The Deceivable”! I was a fool to idolize Evel Knievel when I could’ve been slinging loaded lemonade.  

Bill Cosby Sesame Street

Fame doesn’t come from doing what is right. Just look at what Kim K’s famous fat ass was able to afford Bruce Jenner; a sex change! Oh yeah, and more fame. The unconscious could have made me famous. Macaulay Culkin may have cock-blocked me from my chance to get famous at a Michael Jackson slumber party but I’m ready for a coked out Coke and a smile. Forget-me pills, date rape drug, mind-erasers, Mexican valium? More like…TO BE FAMOUS PILLS!

TO BE FAMOUS…I NEED TO BE FLEXIBLE

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I always try and wake-up like Uncle Grandpa with a good attitude and say “good morning”! I realize I am not Mexican enough for Hollywood and always get typecast as a docile Hawaiian boy holding a bag of C & H Sugar.

If the producers of Robocop wanted to cast me as RoboHawaiianBoy; then hell yeah, I’m in. Miley Cyrus would be happy to be RoboSkank! Because you need to be flexible…TO BE FAMOUS!

TO BE FAMOUS… I NEED TO CHANGE MY LOOK

012414_1618_TOBEFAMOUSI1.pngTo stay famous, celebrities need to change their look. Justin Bieber may have started as a sweet, little Canadian hoser singing in his bathroom but he has transformed into the duchiest of all douchebags! Thanks Usher! The Biebs was arrested in the wee hours of January 23, 2014 in Miami when he was caught drag racing his Lamborghini and if that wasn’t enough, he was thrown in the slammer on suspicion of DUI as well, since he admitted to smoking pot and consuming alcohol and prescription pills.

Sheriff Joe Arpaio only focuses on the bad/Southern American border because the good/Northern border spat out our little Biebs, (and Pam Anderson’s big, fake, used Juggies). Mexicans can only maintain your landscape, Biebs can piss his initials in your front yard, egg your home and terrorize your kids while driving 100 miles an hour through your neighborhood. Screw oil from Iraq, we have the Biebs from Canada! 

Justin Bieber

Biebs will eventually morph into the Drag Queen Dennis Rodman. Out of the closet, tattooed from head to toe, pierced, burnt out, starting a war with North Korea and in rehab. The Biebs proves that even if your music sucks, you need to Belieb and transform into the biggest douche in all douchebaggery. TO BE FAMOUS…I need Usher to sign me, transform into a douchebag and have 50 million DLiebers.

Stay tuned for more great transformations as we study celebrities and how….TO BE FAMOUS!

CELEBRITY JOKE OF THE DAY

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TO BE FAMOUS…I NEED TO DIE.

Dying to be famous? Meeeeee toooooooooo! Paul Walker is getting more attention and fame in death than in life. Why? Because he was a pop culture icon. He will be remembered for eternity as part of America’s greatest cultural achievement, Fast and Furious. HGTV’s co host of Curb Appeal, Bill Beckwith, recently crashed his motorcycle in San Francisco and died. Unfortunately, his show didn’t have enough naked babes, explosions and fast cars so; never heard of him. Now if the bachelor died…..he would be immortalized in American history books.

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Great people are always remembered for their accomplishments. Leonardo da Vinci will be remembered as a Renaissance Man. Impressionism could not have taken place without the works of Manet, Monet and Van Gogh. Mankind will remember the culture, achievements and advancements of the 21st century through great people like Snookie, Kim K and the Bachelor. Screw Captain America, Paul Walker is the new American Hero and getting more ass than ever!
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Terrorists, Obama Health Care, Fiscal Cliff and the “Bad” Korea, (North or South), not sure and I don’t really care because the 17th season of the Bachelor is underway. GAWD, I need to be the next bachelor, create a charity and DIE TO BE FAMOUS!

TO BE FAMOUS…I NEED TO “SWIM” WITH PAM ANDERSON

Pam Anderson and Rick Salomon went “swimming” in Hawaii and photos of the white trash playing white trash tonsil jockey went viral. Sure Rick’s johnson also went “viral” but look at all the attention he is getting.

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So will Pammy “swim” with you? Hell yeah! Since Baywatch, that’s really all our tattooed, silicone burn-out has done. She has slept with everyone. Pam will not only keep you in the spotlight, but she’ll put you in the clinic as well. Just look at
David Spade, Tommy Lee, Vince Neil, Bret Michaels, Arsenio Hall, Kid Rock, Fred Durst, Stephen Dorff……..it would be easier to tell you who our porno queen hasn’t slept with.

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So if you want to be famous, as I do, swimming will keep you irrelevant, but swimming with Pam Anderson……FAMOUS! Sure you can be a Killer-Whale trainer at SeaWorld and spare yourself the STD’s and Hepatitis C.

Not only will Pam Anderson make you famous, but you will be lucky enough to be the 1/4 who have herpes! You and your new-found fame will now be VIRAL!
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