Tag Archives: Disney

TO BE FAMOUS… I NEED TO CHANGE MY LOOK

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To stay famous, celebrities need to change their look. BARRY MANILOW who? For those of you who know him, YES, he is still alive. For those of you who don’t; Barry Manilow is an American singer-songwriter who has performed in more than a thousand shows and is considered a legend, just like Pinocchio. This is thanks to his creator, Geppetto, who created Barry “Pinocchio” Manilow in 1883.

After 35 years of performing on stage and 25 top 40 hits, Manilow’s little wooden hips broke down and he underwent surgery for bursitis. He also has severe heart disease but… just look at that youthful sheen. The “Disney Manilow Puppet” was even asked to join comedian Jeff Dunham and “Peanut” to perform “I write the songs” and “Mandy”. We are all very fortunate for the quality workmanship of Geppetto because we definitely can’t smile without Jew Barry!

Stay tuned for more great transformations as we study celebrities and how….TO BE FAMOUS!

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TO BE FAMOUS…I NEED TO BE A DISNEY DARLING

How can a sweet mouse named Mickey make you famous? By showing you his PIMP hand! Snoop Dogg, (sorry, Snoop Lion), can’t even compete with the famous ho’s in Mickey’s Harem. Sure Lindsay Lohan, Britney Spears and Miley Ray Cyrus were sweet once but they were nobodies. So if you’re like me and are ready to be famous, you need to be a “Disney Darling”.

Lindsay Lohan has snorted and revealed more crack than Charlie Sheen and his prostitutes on a nude beach. You would have more luck pulling the sword from the stone than trying to pull the crack pipe from Lindsay’s mouth.

Miley Ray Cyrus was a role model as Hannah Montana on The Disney Channel or what I like to call, “Mickey’s Little Whore Factory”. Miley continues to be a role model and has since added to her resume. Her credits include pole dancing, lesbianism, bong smoking, and stripping. She has recently impersonated Justin Beiber with a shaven, crazy new hairdo.

Britney Spears is perhaps the most famous Mouseketeer. The Mickey Mouse Club was Disney’s grassroots, wholesome variety show. Screw a degree from an accredited University, Mickey will give you the tools you need to stay in the tabloids for over a decade. Wow Mickey! I hope you can see that I have “IT” and can be the bestest “Disney Darling” to ever give you a lap-dance and become FAMOUS!!

TO BE FAMOUS…I NEED TO BE A DISNEY PRINCESS


Disney has fooled every 11-year-old girl into thinking they can be a princess. Get real Disney. Stop lying to our youth. Be honest; there are only a couple of princess positions available and that commoner, Kate “the streaker” Middleton, has taken one. If our kids keep reaching for the stars, they are just going to stab their little fingers on all those sharp points.

However…..

I too fell for the Disney promise. I tried for every role in every Disney film and was always beat out by the next Zac Efron, Selena Gomez or Lindsay Lohan. I finally landed a supporting role with Nicholas Cage. Okay, I sold him a churro.

The only jobs Disney hired me for were to sell churros and work in a cube for eight hours a day with no direct sunlight. Every day, as my spine collapsed and I basked under the florescent lights, was another day I would never be a princess. How in the HELL would I ever get a personal day off to go to the ball? The only happily ever after I ever got were my two 15-minute breaks. So screw you Disney! I know you’re always listening to me. So here is a video that hopefully will get me a princess role which will help me….TO BE FAMOUS!