Tag Archives: britney spears

ENCHANTED CELEBRITY MOMENTS

Time machines can fix mistakes. Marty McFly, please don’t let Kris Jenner and Robert Kardashian kiss at the high school dance.

Mel Gibson says, “We must be tolerant of all religions… just not the Jews.”

Lindsay Lohan keeps the tabloids on their toes, like a midget at a urinal.

Roses are red, violets are blue, Miley Cyrus is a schizophrenic, and so is Hannah Montana.

Hey Kim Jong Un: fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life. Just look at Tom Arnold.

The last time John Travolta was in a woman was when he visited the Statue of Liberty.

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Andy Dick proves you are what you eat.

Now that Roger Ebert is gone, here is some movie advice: If “The Rock” is in it, thumbs down.

If you are not happy with yourself, be brave and change yourself like Chaz Bono.

Don’t worry Amanda Bynes, You will find love. When woman go wrong, men go right after them.

Britney Spears, in order to meet someone as special as you, I hang out at the bowling alley.

Low Lying fruit and Lindsay Lohan have a lot in common: Cheap, easy to get, and bruised.


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TO BE FAMOUS…I NEED TO BE A DISNEY DARLING

How can a sweet mouse named Mickey make you famous? By showing you his PIMP hand! Snoop Dogg, (sorry, Snoop Lion), can’t even compete with the famous ho’s in Mickey’s Harem. Sure Lindsay Lohan, Britney Spears and Miley Ray Cyrus were sweet once but they were nobodies. So if you’re like me and are ready to be famous, you need to be a “Disney Darling”.

Lindsay Lohan has snorted and revealed more crack than Charlie Sheen and his prostitutes on a nude beach. You would have more luck pulling the sword from the stone than trying to pull the crack pipe from Lindsay’s mouth.

Miley Ray Cyrus was a role model as Hannah Montana on The Disney Channel or what I like to call, “Mickey’s Little Whore Factory”. Miley continues to be a role model and has since added to her resume. Her credits include pole dancing, lesbianism, bong smoking, and stripping. She has recently impersonated Justin Beiber with a shaven, crazy new hairdo.

Britney Spears is perhaps the most famous Mouseketeer. The Mickey Mouse Club was Disney’s grassroots, wholesome variety show. Screw a degree from an accredited University, Mickey will give you the tools you need to stay in the tabloids for over a decade. Wow Mickey! I hope you can see that I have “IT” and can be the bestest “Disney Darling” to ever give you a lap-dance and become FAMOUS!!

TO BE FAMOUS…I NEED TO ACQUIRE THESE TALENTS AND SKILLS

I am tired of being a loser. I have tried to become famous and I have failed. Many years of research have gone into the study of what skills and talents are needed to be a STAR.  I have taken a close look at the famous people of today and have compiled a powerful list of these skills for those who no longer want to suck.

Here are just a few of the skills and talents that will answer my question, “Why are you so AWESOME and I SUCK.”

  1. GET A PROSTITUTE– This I have done but I need to be more open about it. In a Mercedes on Sunset Strip should jump start my career.
  2. MAKE A SEX TAPE- This has made Kim Kardashian way more famous than her sisters and I come from a large family of seven kids.
  3. DRESS SLUTTY- No Talent + Slutty Wardrobe= Famous Miley Cyrus.
  4. GET CAUGHT SMOKING A BONG- Olympic Gold Medals: NOT FAMOUS. Camera + Bong= FAMOUS!
  5. BECOME A MOUSEKETEER- Disney’s Whore Factory has created such stars as Justin Timberlake, Brittany Spears and Ryan Gosling.
  6. I NEED A MUG SHOT- Nobody gives a shit about your family photos BUT a mug shot…………
  7. I NEED TO DATE JETER OR A-ROD- I think love bumps are worth the fame. Or if I could just get Kobe to corn-hole my hiney-hole!
  8. I NEED TO GO TO REHAB- As long as you call me a “STAR”; I don’t care how I got the title. Reality and Rehab are great adjectives to describe my, “Star Status”.