Tag Archives: acting

TO BE FAMOUS…I NEED TO BE FLEXIBLE

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I always try and wake-up like Uncle Grandpa with a good attitude and say “good morning”! I realize I am not Mexican enough for Hollywood and always get typecast as a docile Hawaiian boy holding a bag of C & H Sugar.

If the producers of Robocop wanted to cast me as RoboHawaiianBoy; then hell yeah, I’m in. Miley Cyrus would be happy to be RoboSkank! Because you need to be flexible…TO BE FAMOUS!

TO BE FAMOUS…I NEED TO BE ON THE MSN HOMEPAGE

Fame, we all want it but how do we become famous? Every day, I wake up a loser. Somebody has to pay. My total YouTube hits 80…and that took 5 years. No likes and only 79 dislikes. Thanks Arabdancer92 for not disliking, smiley face wink. If you really want to know how to become famous, you need to be on the homepage of MSN.com. How do you do that? You need to be a baby squirrel-or a pit bull posing with baby chicks. Guess how many YouTube hits? 20 million in 24 hours. Kim K’s Ass is always a top mover on the MSN homepage…TO BE FAMOUS…I need pets and ass. 
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So here is my worldwide debut of “Pets and Ass”. This music video has all the right ingredients for the discerning public who can never get enough “Pets and Ass”!

TO BE FAMOUS…I NEED TO OVERCOME ADVERSITY

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Celebrities overcome a multitude of adversities to stay famous. Poor Amanda Bynes went crazy and still manages to tweet random gibberish to stay in the spotlight. Yeah Tom Cruise was raised by aliens but pretending to be a human has made him a great actor.

TIGER WOODS:

Tiger lost everything due to his sex addiction. Now he is back on top of his golf game and every floozy he can hit. Okay so maybe texting is not the best way for Tiger to holla at his ho’s. Not his fault if a plane flies by with his room number.

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JESUS CHRIST:

Jesus is perhaps the most famous and recognized celebrity. He was persecuted, killed and STILL rose to the challenge. Thanks for overcoming adversity and giving us Easter Jesus! To this day, Jesus forgives all and leads by example. Mel Gibson should take a page from the “Jesus playbook”.

TO BE FAMOUS…I NEED TO GO INTO REHAB

The typical celebrity career path:

1. STRUGGLE

2. BREAKTHROUGH

3. FAME

4. STUMBLE

5. IMFAMY

6. DESCENT INTO DRUGS AND BOOZE

7. REHAB

8. D-LIST REALITY TV SHOW.

But Andy Dick, Tom Sizemore and Snooki broke these rules. They started with reality TV and rehab and worked their way back to FAME. Why deal with struggle and breakthrough? Jumpstart your career!
As long as you call me a “STAR”; I don’t care how I got the title. Reality and Rehab are great adjectives to describe my “star status.”

Sure you can go to Julliard and study acting like Kevin Spacey or Val Kilmer but trying to find them in anything but a Denny’s is like the color-blind trying to find Waldo. Robert Downey, Jr. went straight into rehab for the better part of 5 years and has never looked back. He had hit after hit; Iron Man, Sherlock Holmes, Iron Man 2, Due Date, Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows and the Avengers.

Don’t like to drink or do drugs? Neither does Tiger Woods but he found a way to realize his dreams of stardom and was accepted into sex rehab!

So stop SUCKING and start being AWESOME! Do like Melanie Griffith and make rehab part of a healthy routine and voluntarily check in every 6 months; it’ll be just like a dental check-up. Except It’ll make you FAMOUS!!!!

TO BE FAMOUS…I NEED TO…STUDY FAMOUS CELEBRITIES

Okay let’s face it, we all love famous people. We love to follow them on TMZ, People Magazine, E entertainment television and see what they are doing day by day, minute by minute. I want the riches, fame and lifestyle I see all of these people having. I’m sick and tired of siphoning gas for my 1980, primered, Monte Carlo. For the last decade I have tried comedy, acting or anything I could to get famous. Nothing is working. I’m not stopping.

How do these Assholes do it? I will tell you. They each have special talents and skills I have found essential to becoming a STAR! So Hollywood, here I come. Follow my blog and learn what skills are needed so you too can stop asking the question: “Why are you so AWESOME and I SUCK!”