TO BE FAMOUS…I NEED TO CO-STAR WITH NICOLAS CAGE

TO BE FAMOUS…Twenty years ago, I started my five year plan for success! I actually earned my first acting credit as a co- star with Nicolas Cage. His character walks up to mine and says, “Two churros”. “Yes Sir Mr. Cage, enjoy your churros”. That was my extensive Oscar worthy line. What? It was a Disney Production. So what if I was selling churros at Disneyland. The fact that Nicolas Cage ordered churros from me makes me a co-star in a Disney Production! Right? At least that’s what I put on my resume.

No, I don’t have a reel of this scene. So watch my video as I try to brainwash you into believing I had a co-starring role with Nicholas Cage.


DANIEL LOPEZ COSTARRING WITH NICOLAS CAGE IN A DISNEY PRODUCTION….OKAY I SOLD HIM CHURROS AT DISNEYLAND.


CELEBRITY JOKE OF THE DAY

AMANDA "BIEBS" KNOX

AMANDA “BIEBS” KNOX

ENCHANTED GRAMMY MOMENTS

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I remember Lindsay waiving at me from across the crowded room. My heart began to pound in my chest! I started to waive back and when she approached, I called upon my courage and said….. “Hey Lindsay”.

She almost knocked me over as she walked through me and hugged Thomas Liddy.

Much like Taylor Swift at the Grammys, I realized I had been “SWIFTED”.

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TO BE FAMOUS… I NEED TO CHANGE MY LOOK

012414_1618_TOBEFAMOUSI1.pngTo stay famous, celebrities need to change their look. Justin Bieber may have started as a sweet, little Canadian hoser singing in his bathroom but he has transformed into the duchiest of all douchebags! Thanks Usher! The Biebs was arrested in the wee hours of January 23, 2014 in Miami when he was caught drag racing his Lamborghini and if that wasn’t enough, he was thrown in the slammer on suspicion of DUI as well, since he admitted to smoking pot and consuming alcohol and prescription pills.

Sheriff Joe Arpaio only focuses on the bad/Southern American border because the good/Northern border spat out our little Biebs, (and Pam Anderson’s big, fake, used Juggies). Mexicans can only maintain your landscape, Biebs can piss his initials in your front yard, egg your home and terrorize your kids while driving 100 miles an hour through your neighborhood. Screw oil from Iraq, we have the Biebs from Canada! 

Justin Bieber

Biebs will eventually morph into the Drag Queen Dennis Rodman. Out of the closet, tattooed from head to toe, pierced, burnt out, starting a war with North Korea and in rehab. The Biebs proves that even if your music sucks, you need to Belieb and transform into the biggest douche in all douchebaggery. TO BE FAMOUS…I need Usher to sign me, transform into a douchebag and have 50 million DLiebers.

Stay tuned for more great transformations as we study celebrities and how….TO BE FAMOUS!

TO BE FAMOUS…I NEED TO SEND A RACIST TWEET

If Steve Martin tweets, his 4.5 million fans laugh. If he tweets something racist, the whole world notices. Controversy equals attention and there is no such thing as bad publicity. To be famous….I need to send a racist tweet.

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Sure…many formulas work to garner high volumes of attention. Adding booze to a Lohan, adding Kanye to Kim K, adding steroids to A Rod but adding racism to social media…FAMOUS! Just look at all the attention the interracial Cheerios commercial is getting on Facebook and YouTube. So I too shall follow the yellow brick road to fame and tweet about Mexicans, Jews and Blacks? Oh my! Racist Tweet, what Mexicans Look Like Getting gas

TACO SHELL=MEXICAN GAS STATION WHICH IS A GAS CAN AND A SIPHONING HOSE.

TO BE FAMOUS…I NEED TO SEND A RACIST TWEET

TO BE FAMOUS…I NEED TO SEND A RACIST TWEET

My piano teacher always told me to practice the piano everyday and I would be famous. Wrongo! Most of us don’t know the names of the world’s top piano players. That’s because the discerning public has determined through YouTube that Fatso, the “Keyboard Cat”, is the second coming of Mozart. Screw years of studying to be a musician or an actor. Social Media is all you need. TO BE FAMOUS I need to Tweet something racist. Lisa Lampanelli can say the N-word on stage and make millions. But tweeting something racist, stupid Moses, why didn’t you tell us about the 11th commandment; “Thou shall not tweet about the blacks”.

If an unknown woman, Justine Sacco, can send one racist tweet and go from obscurity to famous in a matter of hours, then I’m the Klan’s new Grand Wizard in charge of social media. Sure Justine lost her job, her Twitter account, was globally criticized and had to apologize. But now she is FAMOUS! There’s no such thing as bad publicity.

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So here I go trying to get attention by stirring up a little rage. I just want a little publicity, good, bad, just publicity. I’m continuing my racist tweets week by week until I cover the Trifecta; Mexicans, Blacks and Jews. Tune in next week when I tweet about those savages…I mean Redskins!

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