Category Archives: Celebrity Transformations

TO BE FAMOUS… I NEED TO CHANGE MY LOOK

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To stay famous, celebrities need to change their look. Bruce Jenner has hit headlines in recent weeks with his Adam’s apple reduction surgery, midlife crisis behavior and his ‘Michael Jackson-like obsession’ with going under the knife.

Our ‘bob-rocking’ 64 year old former Olympian is not sick of Hollywood; he’s just getting started. Our Wheaties queen is gearing up for his biggest role ever; Caesar the talking chimpanzee in the upcoming Dawn of the Planet of the Apes. “When I found out Chimpanzees don’t have an Adam’s apple, I underwent surgery and read for the part. If those talentless Kardashians can make over $40 million for being nothing more than down-ass bitches for thugs; just wait until I rock this Caesar thing!”

As for the ‘Michael Jackson-Like obsession’ with plastic surgery, Caesar Jenner is hoping to play Bubbles in the upcoming Michael Jackson documentary.

Stay tuned for more great transformations as we study celebrities and how….TO BE FAMOUS!

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TO BE FAMOUS… I NEED TO CHANGE MY LOOK

012414_1618_TOBEFAMOUSI1.pngTo stay famous, celebrities need to change their look. Justin Bieber may have started as a sweet, little Canadian hoser singing in his bathroom but he has transformed into the duchiest of all douchebags! Thanks Usher! The Biebs was arrested in the wee hours of January 23, 2014 in Miami when he was caught drag racing his Lamborghini and if that wasn’t enough, he was thrown in the slammer on suspicion of DUI as well, since he admitted to smoking pot and consuming alcohol and prescription pills.

Sheriff Joe Arpaio only focuses on the bad/Southern American border because the good/Northern border spat out our little Biebs, (and Pam Anderson’s big, fake, used Juggies). Mexicans can only maintain your landscape, Biebs can piss his initials in your front yard, egg your home and terrorize your kids while driving 100 miles an hour through your neighborhood. Screw oil from Iraq, we have the Biebs from Canada! 

Justin Bieber

Biebs will eventually morph into the Drag Queen Dennis Rodman. Out of the closet, tattooed from head to toe, pierced, burnt out, starting a war with North Korea and in rehab. The Biebs proves that even if your music sucks, you need to Belieb and transform into the biggest douche in all douchebaggery. TO BE FAMOUS…I need Usher to sign me, transform into a douchebag and have 50 million DLiebers.

Stay tuned for more great transformations as we study celebrities and how….TO BE FAMOUS!

TO BE FAMOUS… I NEED TO CHANGE MY LOOK

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To stay famous, celebrities need to change their look. Amanda Bynes, what in the hell happened?!? From Maxim Magazine in 2010 to Amanda “Coon Dawg” Bynes just a few years later, our little Nickelodeon Princess has had meltdown after meltdown. She has kept the media busier than a 3-legged cat trying to bury a turd on a marble floor.

Yes, our little druggy has tweeted psychotically for Drake to murder her lady parts, shaven her head, pierced her cheeks, earned DUI’s, wrecked her cars and was just arrested last night for smoking a bong in the lobby of her New York Apartment!! What an idiot? Yes but she is a famous idiot! Amanda has reached Train Wreck Status! Lindsay Lohan has trained you well. Willie Nelson would be proud. Way to stay in the spotlight and I can’t wait to see Amanda “Coon Dawg” Bynes in the next issue of Maxim.

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Stay tuned for more great transformations as we study celebrities and how….TO BE FAMOUS!

TO BE FAMOUS… I NEED TO CHANGE MY LOOK

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To stay famous, celebrities need to change their look. LINDSAY LOHAN sure does keep the tabloids busy. She keeps them on their toes like a midget at a urinal. Always changing her look and breaking the law.

Lindsay keeps the tabloids busier than a set of jumper cables at a Mexican funeral.

Our freckled ginger has been banged harder than a screen door in a hurricane.

Her lawyer is busier than a priest at an all boys choir sleepover.

LiLo drives faster than a cat can lick its ASS!

Stay tuned for more great transformations as we study celebrities and how….TO BE FAMOUS!

TO BE FAMOUS… I NEED TO CHANGE MY LOOK

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To stay famous, celebrities need to change their look. BARRY MANILOW who? For those of you who know him, YES, he is still alive. For those of you who don’t; Barry Manilow is an American singer-songwriter who has performed in more than a thousand shows and is considered a legend, just like Pinocchio. This is thanks to his creator, Geppetto, who created Barry “Pinocchio” Manilow in 1883.

After 35 years of performing on stage and 25 top 40 hits, Manilow’s little wooden hips broke down and he underwent surgery for bursitis. He also has severe heart disease but… just look at that youthful sheen. The “Disney Manilow Puppet” was even asked to join comedian Jeff Dunham and “Peanut” to perform “I write the songs” and “Mandy”. We are all very fortunate for the quality workmanship of Geppetto because we definitely can’t smile without Jew Barry!

Stay tuned for more great transformations as we study celebrities and how….TO BE FAMOUS!

TO BE FAMOUS… I NEED TO CHANGE MY LOOK

To stay famous, celebrities need to change their look. STEVEN TYLER was once known as the hard-rocking front man of Aerosmith. But unfortunately, just as George Lucas totally FUC@ED the Star Wars Franchise with Jar Jar Binks; so did Steven Ty-Ty Binks destroy his rocker image by joining American Idol.
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Meesa wish Meesa had some balls. But Jennifer Lopez issa me friend..Ye Gods, Whatta meesa sayin’!.” –Steven-Ty-Ty-Binks

Joe Perry of Aerosmith is no longer livid at Steven Tyler as the band is now touring after Tyler quit American Idol. But the transformation to American Idol judge turned America’s rocker into a joke. Not just any joke but a Jar Jar Binks of a joke. He has reached out to Miley Cryus following her bong smoking scandal to offer advice. He has fallen in a shower knocking out his front teeth and recently Steven Ty-Ty-Binks has purchased a $1.1 million custom convertible.

Stevens new Hennessey Venom GT Spyder has 1,200 horsepower and can go from 0 to 60 in 2.5 seconds. His new car is about as useless in Los Angeles traffic as Jar Jar Binks was the most useless of all Star Wars characters.

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Stay tuned for more great transformations as we study celebrities and how….TO BE FAMOUS!

TO BE FAMOUS…I NEED TO CHANGE MY LOOK

To stay famous, celebrities need to change their look. MEGAN FOX is not a great American actress known for her dramatic abilities. She only got famous by showing her belly, butt, boobs and all other parts in multiple poses bending over everything in The Transformers.

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I want to be valued. I am more than a pose. I am more than just an image or body parts.” –Megan Fox

Esquire Magazine recently interviewed our sex symbol and apparently, she wants to be taken seriously as an actor. “It all happened so fast being typecast in the sex symbol role. I felt powerless. I was an image. I was a……” I’m sorry. Did you say something Megan bootie-luscious? I was staring at all of your parts. Just like every teenage boy has you as a screensaver. Just like every middle-aged man puts you in his “Wank-Bank” for shower time. Now if you would please, Shut-it and Bend-it!

Megan will be taken seriously as an actor when Pamela Anderson wins an Oscar for Best Actress. Megan’s recent role as, you guessed it, a sex symbol in Judd Apatow’s This Is 40 is confirmation she has joined the ranks of Carmen Electra, Marilyn Monroe and David Hasselhoff. Megan stated in her Esquire interview, “I will embrace my sex symbol status and make it work for me.” Megan has seen more knives than Lance Burton’s assistant. Sex symbol transformation complete! The Megan “FOX-HOLES” Doll is proof that celebrities must change their look to stay awesome.


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Stay tuned for more great transformations as we study celebrities and how….TO BE FAMOUS!